Review: Teletext.

There are only two types of people who use Teletext - The elderly and the very nearly elderly. This is why:

It appears the man, woman, beast or idiot who designed Teletext only did so was to frustrate the most impatient nation of people on earth.  

Example - 'I cant wait for a white christmas, so much in fact that I bought these christmas post cards depicting wintery scenes. I did not however realise that in reality these scenes would depict me standing next to my car, which is upside down, dragging out my mothers corpse. Now I cant wait for the snow to clear' - A British National

Design

A startling and easily distinguishable combination of a wide range of varied colours. Its like a rainbow, you cant touch it, it never ends and there doesn't appear to be a point.

Speed

By the time you've read all of this you might have got five percent of the way to the place you want to go, only to realise that yesterdays TV listings lack any relevance in the real world.

Usefulness

If someone asked me to book a holiday, check the weather or read the news I could do these things in several ways. Unfortunately the word several does not have enough room for the pile of gypsy sick that is Teletext.

If it were a sandwich it would be

Cut into four little squares like your grandma did them, not enough filling, lovingly over buttered and lacking in initiative. It also took grandma 45 minutes to make them because she has old hands. Bitch

Overall

If you accidentally switch it on, make sure you intentionally turn it off again.

Rating - 'one to miss'

The Editor - 'a pretty medium deal'