Editorial: Robin Williams, Pedophile?

"GOOD MORNING CHILDREN'S PENISES"

Imagine if a man dressed up like an old woman, with fake breasts and fake teeth. Imagine if he wore an old grey frock and a rubber face. Imagine he talked in a Scottish accent and flirted with bus drivers  Imagine if he did these things then came in your house and took care of your children. Robin Williams did all of these things. He is verging on fucking all the children in the world. 

Lets have a look at the evidence:

Jack

Robbie Williams plays a 10 year old man-child who goes to a normal school. He is apparently a 10 year old in a man's body, though he obviously would love it to be the other way round. He wears three quater length shorts and sports a rucksack. The other kids bully him. But it doesnt matter, because it all a cover, for him to touch so many children.

Hook


Robin Williams plays a ten year old man-child who comes from a magic land. he enters children's rooms via their windows and persuades them to come on a magic adventure with him. Hold his hand and you'll fly he says. Yeah right, right onto his cock

Jumanji

Who wouldn't he touch?

Robin Williams play a 30 year old man-child and emerges from a board game and befriends two young children. He is only wearing pants. He's apparently been in a jungle for years and years, however its clear that hes been in a prison.

Toys


30 year old man-child Robin Williams owns a whole toy factory. A giant toy factory. His sister is a robot. Just look at him

Alladin


He's a shape shifting ghost-man-child that can touch you. The entire lower half of his body comes to a giant erect point and if you rub him he emerges. You know why he hangs round with that rug? So when he's done hes got something to roll you up in...


Good Will Hunting


He was abused as a child and now hangs round with a young man who shared a similar experience. I suppose together they can carry the heavier ones.


Good Morning Vietnam


He befriends a young boy during the Vietnam war. He takes him to the cinema, talks to him about girls and plays baseball with him. He also impersonates a teacher to become closer to him. There relationship causes so much controversy that it results in homosexual  honorable discharge.


Insomnia


He plays a fucking pedophile!

One Hour Photo

He plays a man who stalks people and pho.....he plays a pedophile

Consluion

There is irrefutable evidence here that Robin Williams penis looks like a babies arm clutching an apple, except the apple is his balls and the arm is literally a babies arm. Too much? Looking through that list is like a pervert's CV. I guarantee in his next feature film he'l play the pan piper.

In all honesty though, Robin Williams is a fine actor and a truly lovely man. I know this because he used to hold me oh so tight.

From the Editor 'A pretty sexually abused deal'

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Editorial: Jogging

"I hear you just run for an extended period of time"

Its not that putting one foot in front of the other confuses me, it just everything that accompanies it. Can I run on the road? Can I run on the pavement? Do I have right of way? Can I wear lycra? These kinds of questions make the whole experience mind boggling. I feel everyone is judging my ability to complete this task. If I stop they'll assume im weak, a quitter, but dont they know i've already being going for a good 400 yards?

Then there's attire. Should I wear a light grey? 'heather grey'?* Both of these would give me the appearance of having pissed out my nipples but it would also show how much effort im exerting. Or you could go for sweat concealing black and risk fainting on the side of the road, becoming food for tramps or being abducted by an old widow.

im telling you it happens

There's even more where etiquette is concerned. You're running and suddenly a cyclist flies past you, nodding at you cheerfully as he triumphs over you, not even pedalling as he goes down a steep hill. The smug bastard. I think he should have to give me a lift or fuck off
Or what about when another runner matches your pace, cooly jogging beside you, do you look at him and say hello? You notice he is slowly overtaking you and as hard as you try, this gentleman is making you look like a twat in front of all the 12 year olds in the park you were trying so hard to impress. There should be a speed limit.

Its hard to know how to behave at the best of times, but when your sweating, tired and look like shit I feel the best thing to do is fuck everyone

I was sitting on a set of steps earlier catching my breath listening to some music during my afternoon run. Two small boys shouted from the top most stair so I removed my headphones, they shouted again. 'Are you a homo?', I assumed this was a rhetorical question so I said nothing but they shouted again 'Are you a homo?' Is this a proposition? Should i go up there and....try to bum them? They ask again 'Are you a homo' I reply 'Why don't I come up there and we'll find out', as I stand they run out of sight and I turn the other way, switch back on Whitney Huston's 'I Wanna Dance with Somebody' and continue my run.

*It's sports grey

From The Editor 'A medium distance deal'