Editorial: Jogging

"I hear you just run for an extended period of time"

Its not that putting one foot in front of the other confuses me, it just everything that accompanies it. Can I run on the road? Can I run on the pavement? Do I have right of way? Can I wear lycra? These kinds of questions make the whole experience mind boggling. I feel everyone is judging my ability to complete this task. If I stop they'll assume im weak, a quitter, but dont they know i've already being going for a good 400 yards?

Then there's attire. Should I wear a light grey? 'heather grey'?* Both of these would give me the appearance of having pissed out my nipples but it would also show how much effort im exerting. Or you could go for sweat concealing black and risk fainting on the side of the road, becoming food for tramps or being abducted by an old widow.

im telling you it happens

There's even more where etiquette is concerned. You're running and suddenly a cyclist flies past you, nodding at you cheerfully as he triumphs over you, not even pedalling as he goes down a steep hill. The smug bastard. I think he should have to give me a lift or fuck off
Or what about when another runner matches your pace, cooly jogging beside you, do you look at him and say hello? You notice he is slowly overtaking you and as hard as you try, this gentleman is making you look like a twat in front of all the 12 year olds in the park you were trying so hard to impress. There should be a speed limit.

Its hard to know how to behave at the best of times, but when your sweating, tired and look like shit I feel the best thing to do is fuck everyone

I was sitting on a set of steps earlier catching my breath listening to some music during my afternoon run. Two small boys shouted from the top most stair so I removed my headphones, they shouted again. 'Are you a homo?', I assumed this was a rhetorical question so I said nothing but they shouted again 'Are you a homo?' Is this a proposition? Should i go up there and....try to bum them? They ask again 'Are you a homo' I reply 'Why don't I come up there and we'll find out', as I stand they run out of sight and I turn the other way, switch back on Whitney Huston's 'I Wanna Dance with Somebody' and continue my run.

*It's sports grey

From The Editor 'A medium distance deal'