Editorial: The Playstation Network/PSN Is Down. Give Sony a Break

'God save our noble...'

I occasionally spend my spare time shooting people on the interweb. I don't think I would like to shoot people in real life, because blood is a tough stain to remove and people would wonder why im drenched in it. Im also under the vague impression that if I were to murder someone, they would not re-appear, sorry, re-spawn, one hundred yards away, only to be shot in the face.....twice. Take that geeks, you got 'PWNED'

Like every other person ever to play a video game, I am imbued with a level of confidence unbeknown to me in the real world. I find it prudent to establish myself amongst my virtual peers as a better person. 'Yeah you fucking nerd, I totally shot you with my LASER GUN, and im like humping your corpse and burning it and guess what, i've had sex with girls, IN THE MISSIONARY POSITION'. I showed them.

'Gritty realism'

But now, in the wake of Sony's recent online molestation, still lying in a computerised gutter, pants around it's ankles, screaming like a little girl, millions of young, over-confident and for the most part, homophobic ("Take that fag, you got owned by my MISSILE LAUNCHER"), young men, and some overweight, unattractive women, emerge into the daylight. What will they do now? Aside from a healthy amount of masturbation over things that dont have grossly disproportionate, computerised breasts. Will they hold a live death-match, a full scale Mortal Kombat? Mashing there puny bodies against each other, cardboard SUPER BLASTERS and DEATH RAPER-SHOTGUN-EXPLODERS at the ready.

Or maybe, these oppressed, unloved masses, finally getting a healthy redeposit of melonin from the lonely sun, should step outside, take a deep breath and stop complaining about something they were receiving for free. I dont want to use a crude example (but im going to do it anyway), but if you were receiving a blow job and god forbid, she was doing it all wrong, you wouldn't say, 'This is a fucking outrage, I appreciate you have gotten on your knees and literally sucked my cock, but christ, at least do a decent job. Im not asking for much, just your complete degradation'. In fairness, if she was a prostitute, you'd be well within your rights to tell her what for, because remember, hookers dont have souls.

I know that on May 31st when the Megastation 64 gets back the ability to turn people into anonymous, faceless dickheads, that everyone of those people that bitched and moaned will crawl back to there controllers, re-hone there skills and attack the virtual enemy with a exuberant level of enthusiasm. But please, until that time eventually comes, when Jestation Compuchrist resurrects and walks the earth, just do something other than complain, become a valuable member of society.

A final note: please dont assume I dont game or that I have no comprehension of the importance of that black box. I own one myself, I publish a blog who's symbol is a raptor clutching an assault rifle. Just do something else and give Sony a break.

I feel my new sign off seems pertinent to all those im referring to...'Go fuck yourselves'

From The Editor 'A pretty virtual deal'